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Thursday, August 04, 2005
flyslaughterer slays 212 in goshen laundromat ----downtown houseflies distressed, "shitting themselves with fear"yes my friends, i am now infamous in the goshen fly community. in the space of two hours i singlehandedly, without chemical aid, massacred 212 flies. (209 died by flyswatter, 1 by notebook, and 2 by straw broom.)
i did what i had to do; i had already tried the "hey flies, don't you want to go play outside with your friends?" approach. so, channeling christopher walkin, (in his role as the pre and post headless horseman-hired-hessian-soldier-mass-murderer-with-pointy-teeth-and-shit), i just laid into those motherfuckers.
they flew for the ceilings like the arawaks fled for the hispanola hills, and, like christopher columbus, i showed no mercy.
(awful parallel, i know, but fitting, and these were flies - crawling on the toilet, buzzing around the trashcans, pestering the babies, making the speedwash feel like a hog shed- not people.)
it was creepily satisfying. so satisfying that i killed 212 of 215 flies
the remaining three i let live so they could tell all their fly friends to stay the fuck away from the laundromat.
i left the fly corpses out as a testimony, like vlad the transylvanian tyrant left heads on spears around his castle.
(well, i left them out until i had time to go and sweep them up - dead flies creep me out)
posted by Sara @ 6:38 PM
