shoup house: My failed CSI audition

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Monday, October 31, 2005

My failed CSI audition
Last Saturday I was working at the laundromat in downtown goshen when i heard a lot of yelling and crashing/banging noises coming from our clinton st. entrance. As i approached the door, I noticed a very drunk man was yelling, threating two teenage boys who had been doing their laundry in my laundromat. The door was broken and our bench was overturned. A few seconds later the two boys sought refuge in the laundromat and the man followed them in, cussing at them and throwing our trashcans across the floor. I went back to the counter and called 911. It was very surreal. As I talked to the woman on the phone the man exited and re-entered the laundromat like 5 times, the boys came over to the side of the store where the other customers and i were, and the man started chucking detergent bottles at them and climbed on top of the washers and threw more stuff at them - yelling at them the whole time. A few of the men in the laundromat guided him out but then he came back in and started back up again. Nobody wanted to touch him, he was too violent - way beyond verbal reasoning. He didn't notice me. He threw an open bleach bottle at the boys and then stormed out and headed east. Four police cars arrived just as he crossed 5th street. During this whole time I was ten feet away, describing everything to the 911 woman on the phone like some kind of bizarre sports commentator.

Then three police officers came into the laundromat to get their report. I was preoccupied with cleaning up the trashed laundromat, there was detergent all over the tile floor and people couldn't get to their clothes. The police told me to leave the mess, they wanted to take pictures, but i said no. Just then Matt Troyer (looking like an angel in plaid), who also works at the laundromat and happened to be eating in the restaurant next door, came in to see if everything was alright and took over the cleaning so I could talk to the police.

Then I talked to the police for a long time, they wanted to take me down to the station for my statement and I got really excited but then I remembered that I was the only one working. So I did a written statement, which is harder than you'd think, and gave the cops our surveilance tape and they got some statements from other people and then they left.

As I calmed down I thought about how the scene was like a scene out of CSI. Way cool, you know, except instead of blood spatter patterns for evidence we had detergent spatter patterns and instead of dead bodies we had overturned trashcans, a broken door and a broken bench.

Then I reflected on my performance as a key witness. Not so hot. The CSI people would've been real pissed with me, destroying evidence, not remembering when the event occured, failiure to remember laundomat's phone number, not remembering exact number of times suspect entered building, failure to remember suspect's face, shirt-color or pants-color, failure to remember exact quotes from suspect, extensive fumbling with surveilance tape and rewinding it way too far because didn't think the rewinding was working, refusal to cooperate with authority.....

But I wouldn't have completely flucked the test.

I would get points for:
-calling 911 and describing events as they occur in an even, only somewhat pissed-off voice.
-remembering laundromat address
-quickly describing action in terms of cardinal directions
-remembering all acts of destruction
-figuring out that the man had no relationship with the two boys, he was drunk and he decided that they were trying to fuck with him when all they wanted to do was do laundry and smoke cigarettes.
-remembering that the man was wearing a knit hat, a jean jacket and was stocky and definitely under 6ft. and was yelling in English
-doing the best i could to protect those around me

So, for my first time in a crime scene I think I did really well.

In other news:
I'm moving to dc end of nov and will be subleting an apartment on the floor below meg, kate, and teresa's!!! It's going to be like Friends, I just know it. I'll be chandler and joey - all in one. (Kate says they could call me jandler, or choey.)
posted by Sara @ 5:53 PM

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